Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize