so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
