I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
