the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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