So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
