I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
