Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
