I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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