new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
