i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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