Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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