Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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