You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize