Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
