Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
