The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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