She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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