I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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