you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
