Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
