My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
