Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
