the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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