then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
