my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
