and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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