i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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