I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
