I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
