That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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