Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
