Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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