Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize