Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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