i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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