We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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