I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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