i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
