Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
