Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
