You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
