just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
