Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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