btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
