he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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