He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
