I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
