If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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