apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize