i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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