there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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