So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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