Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
