we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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