I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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