Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize