Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
