You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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