bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
