I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
