I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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