i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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