I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
