i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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