I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
