I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
