I just cut my nipple shaving
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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