hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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