Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
