laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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