She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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