I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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