Already got asked if we're dating
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
