but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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