when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
